Advocacy

16 September 2026

There are some conversations we avoid because they force us to acknowledge realities we would rather not confront. Death is one of them. We know it is inevitable, yet most of us live as though there will always be another day to put our affairs in order, another opportunity to have the difficult conversation, another time to explain to our families what we would want if we were no longer around.

Recent events in South Africa have once again forced the subject of women’s safety into public consciousness. The discovery of the bodies of eight women in Ekurhuleni has raised serious questions about violence against women and the circumstances surrounding their deaths. Police investigations are ongoing, and authorities have cautioned against drawing conclusions about whether the cases are connected. What is certain, however, is that every one of those women had a life before their deaths. Some were mothers. Some were daughters, sisters, partners and providers. And for the children of those who were mothers, life does not end because their mother does. That is the part of these stories that I find myself thinking about most.

As a children’s rights advocate, I am constantly reminded that children are often the people left to live with the consequences of decisions and circumstances they had no control over. They depend on adults to create stability around them, and when that stability is suddenly removed, the consequences can be profound.My perspective on this is also personal.

 have experienced the death of a spouse. I have had to navigate the reality of an estate where children were beneficiaries and where assets had to be identified, processes had to be followed and matters had to be transferred to the children. Experiencing that process taught me that death does not bring administration to an end. In many ways, it creates an entirely new set of responsibilities for the people left behind. There are bank accounts to locate, insurance policies to establish, assets to transfer, documents to produce, institutions to communicate with and legal processes to navigate. There are children whose financial interests have to be protected while the adults around them are simultaneously dealing with grief and the practical realities of losing someone. It also made me think about something that is rarely discussed when we talk about preparing for death: what happens if both parents are suddenly gone?

I consider myself an organised person. I know where my important documents are. I know what needs to be done and I understand many of the processes involved in managing an estate. But even with that knowledge, I have had to ask myself the uncomfortable question: what if I were not here? What if my partner were not here either? Would the people around our children know what to do?That question is not morbid. It is responsible. Most parents spend enormous amounts of time preparing their children for life. We think about their education, their health, their future careers, their financial needs and the kind of people we hope they will become. We save for school fees. We buy policies. We open accounts. We purchase homes. We make plans. But how many of us have actually made a plan for what happens to our children if we are no longer here to execute all those plans? Do you have a valid will? Do you know who your executor is? Have you considered who would care for your children if you died? Have you discussed that responsibility with the person you expect to step in? Do you know what happens to assets left to minor children? Have you considered whether a trust is appropriate for your circumstances? Are your insurance beneficiaries up to date? Does someone you trust know where your important documents are kept?

And perhaps the most important question of all: does someone actually know what you want for your children? We often assume that our partner will know. We assume that our parents will step in. We assume that a sibling will understand what we would have wanted. We assume that our family will somehow figure everything out.But assumptions are particularly dangerous when the people who made them are no longer available to explain them. Estate planning is therefore not simply about deciding who gets your house, your money or your possessions. For parents, it is also about creating continuity for children. It is about making sure that the people who may have to take responsibility for them are not forced to make every decision from scratch while simultaneously dealing with the loss of someone they loved.

Have the conversation. Write the will. Review the beneficiaries. Organise the documents. Identify your village. Tell the people in that village what you expect from them. Seek professional advice where necessary. Because uncertainty is unfortunately part of life. But for our children, unnecessary uncertainty does not have to be.